I once read a story about this old, exceedingly large turtle that lost it’s way to sea and ended up at the driest part of land where it would surely die. To get the turtle back to the shore, a man had to chain it to his car and drag it back to water. Imagine how fearful the turtle was, being dragged, in pain, getting sand in its mouth. But once it found itself in front of the ocean, its home, its saving grace…The turtle soon forgot about the pain that got it to where it needed to be to live again.

“I noticed that sometimes it is hard to tell whether you are being killed or being saved by the hands that turn your life upside down.” 

“Today God wants you to know that you weren’t meant for crawling. So don’t.”

You have wings. Learn to use them and fly. You were born with potential. You were born with goodness and trust. You were born with greatness. You were born with wings.

Summer Nights.

I swore before the summer started that I would take nighttime walks and such, and that literally never happened until tonight. It was completely out of mind to do that to. I actually just went outside to take out my humongous pile of recycling to the bin, and as I was out, I realized how nice the weather was. I looked up at the stars and just imagined God there somewhere. But mostly I just enjoyed the twinkle of the golden lights and allowed God to speak to me. I imagined the day that I could someday just talk to Him up there, endlessly, just as He told me. 

Since my mom gets home around midnight and it was 12:48 I just decided to wait for her. I took a walk to that park right next to my house, walked to my backyard, walked just around…I could smell the nighttime air where everything seems moist and chill, that smell when nature releases its beautiful aromas. 

I absolutely enjoyed every second, except when sudden bush noises freaked me out. hahah.

When I listened very closely, I could hear televisions from other houses, and for a single moment that consideration of the fact that people have their own life very different from my own came to mind. 

I almost went inside, but decided to wait a little longer for my mom, and she came home about two or so minutes later, and it was just nice to have that difference of watching her drive in. At that moment, I honestly imagined me arriving into Heaven one day and God standing, awaiting my arrival.

And I know I shouldn’t be thinking about death and stuff, but this was the first time in forever that I didn’t fear it, but enjoyed the thought of the life that comes after. 

I guess that’s what happens when I take time from every-day life…

I start seeing things in new lights, with new perspectives. 

Sometimes I’ll start to really hurt when I begin thinking about my past.

The people I fell for, how easily I fell, how much I gave for hardly anything in return. It’s really sad.

I’m better now…but when I remember…it really hurts. 

And the dream I had was so relevant. I was in an airport and my bags were on the floor. A man covered with a sign with a phone number written in red and black kept coming to steal my bags.

When something of my friend’s got stolen, I tried to help get that, but the man came back and I yelled, “WHY DO YOU KEEP TRYING TO STEAL MY THINGS?”

And I pressure pointed him, but he would press another pressure point on his hand so that he would not faint…

Then he pressure pointed my neck, and I could not breath at all.

My friend’s translation of this was very correct. I am always trying to leave my past behind, thus seeing an airport….the man counteracting my attacks symbolizes how past men in my life control me and my feelings…to the point where it’s like my heart can hardly breathe at times. The sign symbolized the dark times, thus using the colors red and black.

Well I guess this is just on my mind and I wanted to get it all out.

When I love, I love hard.

After the past 3 years, I AM very cautious about falling in love. Some days I don’t want to fall in love at all. There are great guys out there, that has been proven to me over the last several months…Still, I play it safe.

“LOVE IS PAIN, AND UNDERSTANDING IS THE ANSWER.” -God.

And His other quote, “LOVE IS POSSIBLE NOT THROUGH VISIONS OF FOREVER, BUT VISIONS OF STAYING TOGETHER.” 

I always hold those close to me. I used to always think, “forever,” but forever cannot come on it’s own…especially if someone is not willing to try…and that’s why He said, “Visions of staying together.” 

Well anyway. Love comes at the right time, with the right person, for the right reasons.