I once read a story about this old, exceedingly large turtle that lost it’s way to sea and ended up at the driest part of land where it would surely die. To get the turtle back to the shore, a man had to chain it to his car and drag it back to water. Imagine how fearful the turtle was, being dragged, in pain, getting sand in its mouth. But once it found itself in front of the ocean, its home, its saving grace…The turtle soon forgot about the pain that got it to where it needed to be to live again.

“I noticed that sometimes it is hard to tell whether you are being killed or being saved by the hands that turn your life upside down.” 

“You deserve to be with someone who won’t hurt you.”

I think that sometimes that can be taken in so many different ways, all the way into the point where people think that relationships are meant to be a feel-good experience all the time. But it’s not. That’s impossible. In fact, I think it is important to be with someone who will hurt you at some point. When it’s the good kind of hurt. The kind of hurt where your significant other confronts you with bad habits that bad emotions that run your life. And sometimes your significant other will break down your pride, and sometimes you will be exceedingly offended but in all reality, they are doing it because they love you. They are doing that because they want you to be the best person that you can be. The reality of relationships and true love is that nobody can grow without pain. Relationships cannot grow without tests that must be overcome. Sometimes those tests will bring nothing but tears in the midst of them, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be overcome.

So what I am trying to say is that I wish the quote could be different. 
I wish the quote could be this:

“You deserve to be someone who won’t hurt you for all the wrong reasons, but will hurt you for all the right reasons because they love you and want to see you be better.”

Maybe it’s because it doesn’t flow as well or maybe it’s because not many teenagers or adolescents are mature enough to actually understand that. But hey, it’s always a start. It’s a start to growing up. To just see that love doesn’t consist of never being hurt.

Just a few things on my heart, I guess. And I hope people can see and understand this all too.  

Even with your good intentions, it still hurts.

There are some people…who you truly think will always be there for you. They were in the past…but then there comes a point in their life where things change.

The worst part is that this might be the time where you need them more than ever. Or at least, you think you need them more than ever.

And they’re not there for you.

They don’t make time.

They isolate themselves.

And they abandon you.

And what is their reason?

Because they don’t want to hurt you more when they leave.

Or because they don’t want to make relationships before they are forced to go.

Yes. Fine. There is goodness in that.

But that doesn’t change the fact that you needed them. 

Maybe they didn’t want to hurt you, but that doesn’t change the fact that it hurt anyway.

Personally, I would have been so much happier if you had made the time. It’s something that I have yet to forget….Something I think I have yet to forgive.

I needed you. 

But then again, now that it’s all over—-I see now that I GOT THROUGH IT without you…so who knows. Maybe God was trying to show me that I didn’t need your help after all.

Well. After all is over, the pain happened. The pain is still there. I learned, maybe you did too.

Who knows.

“Forgiven” -Sanctus Real

I have heard this song a COUNTLESS number of times….but for some reason today when it played in the car ride home…I really listened to the lyrics and I started to cry.

I was surprised how much I could actually relate to this song. Maybe you can too..

________________________________

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am


I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause
I’m forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause 
I’m forgiven

When I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘cause

_____________________________________________

I mean I can’t even express how out of place I feel at school nowadays. To think I used to be the person who always had a place to go…a place to feel at home.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s because of how sad I’ve been that people just don’t want to be around me.

They’ll talk to me for a bit, then they’ll go off and talk to their other friends as if I’m not even there sitting by myself still.

And that hurts me more than anyone can ever know.

I mean to even think that I’m crying while I write this. I am sooo tired of feeling out of place without friends to hang out with.  

Well…

Aside from them,

Aside from all that I feel,

I am a treasure in the arms of Christ.

And He will bring me to the right people…at the right time….

Too much pressure, Not enough Support.

So it’s like the world

Is falling upon my shoulder

And yet

I still feel light

Because my God gives me 

Unworldly Sight

To see the things unseen

To have preserverence

To have character

To have hope

And I will fight

With all my might

Given to me by my Heavenly Savior

Who felt pain for my sake

A choice that I could never make

And He was there

And He loved me

And He loves me

So I don’t need this pain

Because God lives IN ME

To fight it all away

And I will look to the sky

And look to the sunrise

And even if the sun

decides to set instead

Then at least I can know

That after the night

Comes a new sunrise

A new hope

A new future. 

Eventually I think we all learn that people are people, and each and every one of us make mistakes. Everyone will hurt each other, whether it was intentional or not..and it will all hurt the same because we will all feel that we were wronged. The best way to cope with it is to accept that it happened, and use it for your benefit in the future.