Try not to waste time Hating someone.

Reflection

I wish I didn’t spend over a year pent up in anger. At someone else. Then at myself because I couldn’t tell where to place my emotions. I wasted time. I wasted time focusing on the friends I had or even the friends I could have had…all because I was so wrapped up in negative emotion.

To anyone reading this:

It is just not worth it.

And maybe some of you will just have to learn through experience.
But honestly?

Don’t make the same mistakes I did.

Let go of hatred toward other people. Let go of hatred toward yourself.

Enjoy your life and those around you instead.

Parts of my song which I don’t have a title for yet. Still tweaking it and adding more.

I’ve been trying to see 

Why I chose to leave

And I realized it was these three things

I was afraid of love

I was afraid of change

And I was afraid 

That one day you’d stop loving me.

Why did I complicate

The Simplicity

Of your love for me?

You showed me with every ounce

Of your being.

I regret the way I refused to fight

The fears that entangled me

When I tried

To sleep at night..

And I regret the way

I ran away

Because I couldn’t believe

In a brighter day. 

Note:: This song is a written compilation of what I’m afraid might happen in the future if I don’t fight the fears I have of falling in love. My goal was to make this a universal type of song, but in the end, it ended up being quite personal. 

Possible Impossibilities.

Though it seems impossible to forget the pain,

Though it seems impossible to forget the anger,

Though it seems impossible to let go of the hurt,

Though it seems impossible to forget how none of it was fair,

Though everything seems impossible,

Luke 18:27 says, “What seems impossible to men, is POSSIBLE with God.” 

None of us have to do it on our own. The truth is, God NEVER called us to go through any of this alone. There’s always someone. And despite how lonely you may feel, God’s always going to be there. Always.

And let me be the first to admit that I haven’t been depending on him. I don’t pray anymore for help, I don’t pray anymore for his strength, I don’t pray anymore for Him to help me release any of my negative emotions. And why? Because for the past few months I have been feeling like forgetting it seems impossible. I’ve been having the mentality that this is something that I need to do by myself, and God cannot play a part in it.

Well that’s not true.

I realize right now that that has been Satan trying to keep me right where I am.

Well not anymore.

I have been saying for the past three months that it is time to straighten out my life.

Well what does that even mean?

Well it means getting my number one priority straight. And it’s not helping other’s before myself (which is literally the ONLY thing I have been doing)

No, it is fixing my relationship with the Lord because NO OTHER relationship can uplift me anymore than what the love of Christ can do. 

It is about time I realize like that, and actually live it out. 

Everything that I once held dear is definitely not in my grasp anymore. Everything I learned to love has been taken away because God has been trying to show me that all it has been doing is pulling me away. 

What really matters in this life?

One thing is learning that what seems impossible is possible, because anything can be done through the power and omnipotent strength of the only Man that has ever seen me through every single situation that I have ever faced. 

Nothing is different. Nothing has changed. He will see me through. That I can rely on. 

“It says in Psalm 34, God is close to the brokenhearted. You’ll never be alone, despite how lonely you may feel. It will come and God will smile upon it but do not force it. Remember chapel today, love is paitent.”

-Corey Martin

oh my gosh…it applies to right now. It always will. I can’t get over what he said…and he said this to me waay last year. 

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. God is amazing and works in mysterious ways… 

I Fiiiinally figured out what’s wrong.

I know why I’ve been feeling this way. I was finallyyy able to understand it, thank God.

I can’t stand that people can move on so quickly. No matter who or what relationship it may be—-friendship or ex. I hate seeing how they can make it not matter so quickly.

I am just NOT like anyyy of my friends who can analyze a situation for a bit, then finally move on and live on happily again.

Nope. I’ll analyze it, figure things out, try to move on…but as I see how they’re life is going on so quickly, ALL these heartbroken emotions rush back in. And lately it’s been happening over and over and over again.

It’s unbearable and I am sooo envious of the people who are like that. 

Maybe though, sometimes it will leave you empty. No, I know it will. When you move on so quickly, and you don’t even THINK or CONSIDER what the person you left behind feels…yeah, THAT will leave you empty. 

When you think, “I’m okay, THEY will move on EVENTUALLY.” No, that will leave you empty. 
Because in the end, though they Will move on, you will eventually be left alone again…and who will be there then?

It all depends, it really does. But that’s a point that should be considered.

Don’t leave people empty, or else you will be left empty.

And I guess another big part of it was just…how I care SOOOOO much for people who honestly, and I’ll blatantly say it, don’t give a shit. 

People who put me down, people who don’t think about how I feel or are willing to understand how I feel….I am so much nicer to them than they deserve. One, because I know that it’s right, and two because I just can’t stand hurting people or let THEM feel what I feel.

And because of that….I end up finding it hard to forgive people. Because in the end, I FEEL like it’s not fair. Then later out I take my emotions out on others, or just on myself. 

But I know, I really truly honestly know that there’s much much more to what I simply feel. I know that. 

So I have to get past this pain. I NEED to.

I know why it all happened…so there’s no use letting it hurt me because of my own personal emotions.

As much as it hurts me….I’ll be happy for them… 

If you love someone.. you learn that it’s NOT about yourself anymore.

My good friend Danny told me, “Worry about how they feel…then they will worry about how YOU feel.” 

(and I’m not just talking about boy-girl love..I AM talking about family and friendship love. WHATEVER situation you are in…..please consider what I’ve said.) 

Is there a dominant part in the Female Being that has a severe tendency to overreact to situations?

 Because I should NOT feel this way. But I do. Girls, is it reeeally normal and necessary for a girl to constantly need assurance that you’re still cared for in a relationship?(Really, because I wouldn’t know..this is my firstt.) 

And if he’s not CONSTANTLY giving you the “proof” through stupid text messages, does that mean he doesn’t care anymore? Because I would like to think otherwise.

I feel like my heart(emotions/FEARS) are taking over my Intellect..

Part of it might be the fact that it’s the emotional time of month

Part of it might be just the truth

Part of it might just be my fears

Part of it might be that I’m just being stupid. 

Well anyway„„any advice would be really helpful right now… Thankssssyouguyssss<3

NEVER let not only Fear, but also Laziness stop you from achieving something you want to do. Both are not easily overcome, but both can easily overcome you. Fight back.

I’ve been wresting with both lately, and I just wanted to remind everyone about things we face every single day.