(While I was driving today to practice, the song “I’ll Show You How To Live” by Sanctus Real was playing)
Me: My life….it’s just the beginning. From now on I start to experience all the things of growing up. Soon…my life is finally going to begin.
God: No, Child. Your life starts today. In fact, it started from the first day. From your first breath. You don’t wait for a certain time or a certain moment to begin living your life. You don’t wait for a certain mark to begin living. Life starts in every single moment that I give you another breath. If you wait to live your life, you will only waste it. Don’t waste the life I’ve given you by waiting to begin to live. I will show you how to live.
(Source: allforlovephoto)
So why don’t we talk more often?
True fulfilling joy doesn’t come when you get what you want or when you get into a relationship that you always wanted.
I really liked what the guy said about marriage today at church.
“There’s this time during your life before marriage——the time of singleness, and that is NOT a bad word—— that God wants you ALL TO HIMSELF.”
That’s the time where He can really grow you and speak with you. No distraction from another person. No dedicated division of love.
You wonder why relationships don’t work out, well maybe this is one of the reasons. You were to distracted from the TRUE goodness that God has planned out for you life. And He needed you to be single so that you could truly dedicate yourself to HIM.
That’s where the true joy lies. That’s where true goodness is able to be multiplied in your life.
Whatever God takes away from you….will be given back 100 times over.
God has been completely open, honest, and straightforward with me for a long time now of what He simply just doesn’t want for me. “It was pain that I wanted to protect you from,” He said to me tonight.
From the chat, to friends, to whispers from God, to the vision, to the two symbolic dreams, through what the pastor said when the Holy Spirit took over him….all of it was so straightforward.
And yet God opened up the path and said that if I choose it, then I would feel pain. He said that from the start. He said that I’d be thankful for the pain and that He’d make it work out for good in the end.
I thought that was better. And I told Him every single day that I’d rather get what I want and then learn from it. That would be better, right? Touch the hot stove and learn from my pain, right? But no….that’s not what He wants. ALTHOUGH He IS giving me the choice, it’s PAIN He wants to stop me from feeling.
Tonight though,
I finally LISTENED to Him about something other than what has been my main and only concern for the past few months….
“You’re finally listening,” He said.
And what He said tonight, what He is promising…well…truly sounds way better than what I’ve been wanting.
It’s terribly difficult though.
“Then I shall give it to…..but only if you leave behind what you want.”
How am I going to do that?
Simply, over time.
That’s why He’s giving me such a large amount of time to be freed. To be okay, and away. So that I can find my way back to Him.
He wants me to use the next few weeks to draw closer to Him.
And I believe….that in the next few months, what He talked about tonight will come to place.
I honestly can’t even imagine it though.
But God…..
Who can even comprehend His ways, right?
Man.
I’m just blown away.
I don’t know how I’ll be able to let go the thing I’ve been holding on to for almost close to a year now….and something I’ve wanted for months now (something that is even SO CLOSE within my grasp; yet something that God doesn’t want me to grab), and just trust that He WILL give me what He wants for me…something that would bring gratification.
Trust. Faith. It’s always the word.
“Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
This song is so powerful
“Your Love is Everything” -Jesus Culture
You keep no records of my sins.
You don’t remember all my shame.
Your Love heals every disease
Your Love fulfills my every need
Your Love is everything.
Spoken Word || Victory
Honestly I keep watching this. His message and his words are really powerful. It’s amazing how God works within and through people.
“Someone so completely and utterly broken…I put on a mask of someone who could Not be broken.”
So I literally forgot that I wrote this song….but I’m so moved by it. The lyrics were definitely not mine, but God’s. This song is really relevant for hard times. So give it a listen if you’re feeling down!
(I’m really awk in the beginning and the end. Please ignore that. LOL.)
Only The Father Knows || Sarah Michelle Cruz
Jesus Culture || Let It Rain
Psalm 27:13-14
Psalm 27:13-14
Conversation between me and God:
- "WHY DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND?????"
- "He does."
- "...what.."
- "He does understand. Why don't you?"
- "But I do understand. He's sick and---"
- "No my child. That is the problem. You both understand each other and where each other is coming from.....But you two do not FEEL for each other. And that is where the disputes begin. You both are too caught up in the thought that what YOU want is right. THAT is what you need to understand."
Something about myself and the change that needs to be made in me. And who knows, maybe in others too.
I’m posting that comment not to boast in myself, but to boast in God. Her comment is honestly one of the nicest and most amazing things that has ever been said to me, and I’ll admit it makes me feel awesome about the choices I make. But what she says in the end….it just goes to show how our actions and choices to help someone else can TRULY open a door for God to enter and begin to WORK.
Here’s me being completely honest about myself. I truly am completely 100% genuine when I talk to people and pray for them. I don’t do it for publicity. But the truth is, there are way too many times where I’ll go home and be alone and think to myself how much I “should” be recognized for how nice I am to people.
My school gives out awards for your character. For how you treat others. For how you display the love of God. And almost consistently I will get the thought that I deserve it. That I SHOULD be awarded those things, because hey, aren’t I a genuinely good person? I help everyone, I’m nice to everyone…so I deserve it, right?
And then oh man, if I’m not noticed for things then it’s like, “Oh? Did I go wrong somewhere. Or maybe God’s just humbling me.”
The point that I’m trying to make is that is NOT a good mentality. It’s quite a bad one to have actually. Like in Matthew 6:1 it says, “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.”
Doing good for others isn’t so that I can gain something in the end.
It’s not so that I can get noticed.
It’s not so that I can be liked more.
It’s not so that I can be looked up to and exalted.
It’s so that GOD can be seen
It’s so that GOD can be exalted in a way that makes HIM likeable. That makes them want to Know Him more.
Even if I truly am genuine when I help people….I shouldn’t feel the need to gain things. Because then it becomes about me…and when that happens, then what I did basically has no meaning.
There’s no I in Jesus. But there is an E. and there is an US. Because everyone deserves to be loved. And it is not about US….but God has given redemption through His son to all of US.
We (Christians) are meant to reconcile the world. We’re meant to spread the good news. And we’re meant to do it for HIS KINGDOM. Not our own wordly kingdom build up of things that fade.
Because even if I do win whatever awards and titles that I want. Who is going to remember or know that in a few years aside from me? In the end it WILL NOT MATTER.
But what WILL matter is the genuine love that I give to others…that through God will have the power to draw them closer to God.
Our love can open up passages and gateways to the Heavenly Kingdom.
“Seek first the Kingdom of God and everything else will follow.” (Matthew 6:33)
I’ve been praying so, so hard these past few days that God will remove my desires to win these things that won’t last. And I realized tonight that the best way might be just to not win those things. So maybe I won’t. Maybe that’s how God will teach me. Or maybe He will just teach me through these realizations. Who knows.
But I truly pray that all of you who actually take the TIME to read this…will also come to the point in your lives where you realize that it is not the recognition that matters. It is the things done in secret that open gateways to winning another soul to the kingdom of God. That’s what matters. That is what lasts forever.
Um. Dear People who say that God laughs when Fags die.
GEE. IF GOD LAUGHED WHENEVER A FAG DIED, THEN HE WOULDN’T EVEN HAVE BOTHERED TO GIVE THEM A LIFE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
And if God hated fags, then He wouldn’t even have bothered to let them live.
You people who claim to be a believer and follower of God, who still genuinely call people fags and mistreat them, obviously have no clue what you believe in. Or you know what you believe—or what you think you believe…but it’s seriously wrong. Because God loves His creation. And fine, I do believe homosexuality is a sin. But God HATES the SIN, LOVES the sinner.
And everyone always questions why God never seems to do anything to help the poor: We were put on this earth to LOVE people. WE were given dominion over the earth…not to do evil and hurt others but to LOVE on others the way God sent His son to love us.
And I’m pretty sure calling people fags and seeking to hurt them is not love.
..And that’s just one of the many things that we are at fault with.
We need to do a better job at loving others you guys. We all do.
“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold…” (I Peter 1:6-7, NLT).
We all face disappointments and setbacks. Life is full of things that try to push us down. Maybe you got bad news concerning your health. A relationship didn’t work out. Maybe you lost your job. It was a setback. When we face setbacks, it’s easy to get discouraged or lose our enthusiasm. Too often we are tempted to just settle where we are. But if we’re going to see God’s best, we have to have a bounce-back mentality. That means when you get knocked down, you don’t stay down. You get back up again. It means when disappointments come, you shake them off knowing that what the enemy meant for your harm God is going to turn around and use for your good.
When you’re a bounce-back person, you know that adversity is not permanent. Weeping may endure for a night, but you know joy is coming in the morning. There is wonderful joy ahead on the other side of this trial. Keep standing, keep believing, and choose to be a bounce-back person because you are coming out better off than you were before! You are rising higher, and you will fulfill the destiny God has in store for you!
True Love.
“But I’m always initiating things. Just for ONCE in my life….can somebody fight for me? Can somebody initiate things for me because they actually want me? Because they’re actually brave enough to fight for me…or because they actually think that I’m worth something? Can’t somebody for once in my life fight for me because they’re afraid to lose me to someone else? For once in my life can I just feel that somebody loves me enough to try…?”
“But….Isn’t that what Jesus did for you? Isn’t that what God does for you every, single day?”
